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GALLONS PER MINUTE by Jeff Schneider Recipe

“This is a very easy and no fail recipe for a yummy short stories collection.  It might take long to make, but it is quite good to read!” – Martha from Cleveland 

“For pairing, you can’t go wrong with a medium bodied Cotes du Rhone with Jeffrey’s book. Within the Rhone is a peppercorn and spice note that would go well with the spice of his short stories, both ending with a satin finish.”  – Udo Garten from Munich 

• • • •

6 ½ pounds ground David Foster Wallace

1 Raymond Carver

1 J.D. Salinger, chopped 

1 cup 1% Low-Fat roxanne gay

Gene Gregorits to taste

1 -2 cups dry Tao Lin OR Joseph Grantham if mixture is too spicy

2 tablespoons Chris Kraus reduction

2 tablespoons prepared Albert Camus

⅓ cup Ashleigh Bryant Phillips 

• • • •

Directions Instructions Checklist

 Step 1

Preheat brain to 98.6 degrees F (37 degrees C).

 Step 2

In a short Word Doc, knead the Foster Wallace until texture is soft and pliable. Combine Foster Wallace, Raymond Carver, J.D. Salinger, roxanne gay, and Tao Lin. Season sparingly with Gene Gregorits to taste (very spicy) and place in a 1 inch (2.54 cm) margin Word Doc, OR form into a pdf and send an e-mail to self to use later.

 Step 3

In a separate small Word Doc, combine the Chris Kraus, Albert Camus and Ashleigh Bryant Phillips. Mix well and pour evenly over the manuscript.

 Step 4

Send to press in Florida for 4 weeks.