GALLONS PER MINUTE by Jeff Schneider Recipe
“This is a very easy and no fail recipe for a yummy short stories collection. It might take long to make, but it is quite good to read!” – Martha from Cleveland
“For pairing, you can’t go wrong with a medium bodied Cotes du Rhone with Jeffrey’s book. Within the Rhone is a peppercorn and spice note that would go well with the spice of his short stories, both ending with a satin finish.” – Udo Garten from Munich
• • • •
6 ½ pounds ground David Foster Wallace
1 Raymond Carver
1 J.D. Salinger, chopped
1 cup 1% Low-Fat roxanne gay
Gene Gregorits to taste
1 -2 cups dry Tao Lin OR Joseph Grantham if mixture is too spicy
2 tablespoons Chris Kraus reduction
2 tablespoons prepared Albert Camus
⅓ cup Ashleigh Bryant Phillips
• • • •
Directions Instructions Checklist
Preheat brain to 98.6 degrees F (37 degrees C).
In a short Word Doc, knead the Foster Wallace until texture is soft and pliable. Combine Foster Wallace, Raymond Carver, J.D. Salinger, roxanne gay, and Tao Lin. Season sparingly with Gene Gregorits to taste (very spicy) and place in a 1 inch (2.54 cm) margin Word Doc, OR form into a pdf and send an e-mail to self to use later.
In a separate small Word Doc, combine the Chris Kraus, Albert Camus and Ashleigh Bryant Phillips. Mix well and pour evenly over the manuscript.
Send to press in Florida for 4 weeks.
How to submit a manuscript
Manuscript Submission Process –
• All manuscripts should be submitted via email to email@example.com
• We only accept submissions by e-mail. Please don’t send stuff to or bother my family at our home!
• Please put the manuscript title and “manuscript submission” in the subject line.
• Absolutely NO POETRY! “And the tragic poet is an imitator, and therefore, like all other imitators, he is thrice removed from the king and from the truth? That appears to be so. “ – Plato
• The manuscript text can be either placed in the message or attached as a Microsoft Word document.
• Please include a biography of 300 to 400 words or whatever it takes to make your case. Tell us what other works, if any, you have published. Let us know about any applicable awards you have won.
• How do you envision the marketing of the book?
• Only one submission per e-mail. Include your bio with each submission.
• Authors do not need to submit art. Unless there is a specific reason,
• If declined do not get butt-hurt. Keep working hard at your craft, and you’ll only get better and better. Be respectful, humble, and willing to learn. Take a deep breath and know that you’re in this for the long haul and feel free to send us something better when you can.